There are lots of things I’ve learned since being a mother.
Like how to do the ‘Incey Wincey Spider’ hand movements without getting my fingers twisted up.
Like how to unscrew the battery compartment in toys with the tip of a steak knife when you don’t have the world’s smallest screwdriver handy.
For example, I can turn into a rampaging lioness at the slightest provocation.
I remember being at the shops with my beautiful little daughter who would wave and giggle and smile at strangers. She was the most adorable thing. But some people would not smile back at her. And that got me angry.
I felt like yelling, “Hey! What. Is. Wrong. With. You??!!! Why aren’t you smiling back? Have you got a heart of stone? Smile at my daughter, dammit!”
And then there was the car park incident.
I was driving up my street with both kids in the car and a large car was behind me, driving way too close for comfort. All I cold see in my rearview mirror was his dashboard.
I became quite annoyed and kept thinking that if I just put my foot on the brake slightly, he would ram up the back of my car and my kids may be injured.
So I quickly turned into my driveway and he swerved around me, went up on the footpath and then entered the car park of the liquor store that was across the road from me. At the same time my husband arrived home too.
So what did I do? In a fit of blind rage that this person had potentially put me at rick of having an accident with my kids in the car, I got out and ran across the road.
I raced up to the (very tall) man and blasted him for putting us all at risk. I waved my fist at him (it reached his belly button) and used some choice words.
It was great entertainment for the others in the car park and would have been very bizarre for my husband to see, as he didn’t know the context. From what he could gather, his wife had parked the car, ran up to a strange man and was now abusing him in public!
In my mind I was unleashing the full fury of a lioness protecting her cubs.
In his mind, I was a shrieking banshee that barely came up to his elbow.
And what was his response?
He walked away!
I’m sure once he got into the shop, he cried like a little girl and made sure I was gone before he walked back to his car.
Because you just don’t wanna mess with my kids – alright? It won’t be pretty.