Monthly Archives: May 2014

I forgive me

I forgive me for ignoring my six-year-old son’s pleas that he had to go to the toilet when we got to the park (“But you just went!”) and so he ended up soiling himself and crying.

I forgive me for yelling at my son who just soiled himself because he couldn’t hang on that one extra minute.

I forgive me for giving my son extra treats to make up for the terribleness of the park incident.

I forgive me for dressifunny-parenting-quote-pic1ng my six-year-old son in his sister’s track pants this morning and not noticing they were two sizes too big until we got to school.

I forgive me for dressing my son in ridiculously big track pants which lead to some boys tease him about it at school that made him feel sad.

I forgive me for giving my son extra treats to make up for the terribleness of the wrong size track pants incident.

 

 

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Being 41

Being 41 is weird.

wearing-moms-heels-pinterestIt’s making me Google ‘serums’ that can turn back years of sun damage. Gosh, if I could step back in time, I would slap that bottle of Reef Oil with the SPF -5 out of my hands and make myself wear a hat, top and 30+ sunscreen!

It’s making me stand in front of the mirror, and use both hands on each side of my face to flatten out my wrinkles. Botox? Yes please!

It’s making me panic that I get so excited about sunny days and doing three loads of washing!

It’s making me get extra tests at the docs for health issues as ‘a precautionary measure’. Gosh, I miss the feeling of invincibility when you are young!

It’s making me break out which is weird! What is the deal with adult acne?!

It’s made me get a blood test to check I was menopausal. But it turned out that I am just a bad tempered b*tch!

It’s made keeping fit so, so hard! Huffing and puffing on the treadmill is just not as much fun when it serves as a cruel reminder of how much I’ve let myself go!

It’s making me not want to enter certain clothing stores, just incase the shop assistants are thinking I am shopping there for my teenage daughter!

It’s making me feel the need to hide my immaturity. Surely, I’m not the only 41-year-old that gets teary-eyed while watching ‘Frozen’; or who laughs at fart jokes, right?

It’s making me feistier, as my tolerance for bullish** is w-a-a-y lower than ever. Actually, I like this part of being 41!

Here’s to growing old disgracefully!

 

 

If Kids’ Stories Were Internet Headlines…

A great twist on some of our favourite fairytales!

The Byronic Man

The itsy-bitsy spider went up a water-spout – and then things got crazy.

This little girl found 3 bowls of porridge. What she did next made me cry.

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This dog, Carl, is freaking AWESOME.

This guy grew a beanstalk up to the clouds using this one crazy trick!

18 things wicked women do that drive step-daughters INSANE.

The moon, and 17 other things children of the 90’s will remember saying goodnight to.

Jack & Jill went up a hill just to get some water. What happened next will blow. your. mind.

11 unbelievable things you probably didn’t know the bus does as it goes all through the town. (#7 is my favorite)

If you’re happy and you know it, will your face surely show it?  Click here to learn the amazing secret that doctors don’t want you to know about!

#8 - people don't usually cackle and rub their hands together as you eat if the apple ISN'T poisoned. #8 – people don’t usually…

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An ode to my Mum

I am an only child – my husband and friends will tell you that this is plainly obvious! – and I am very close to my Mum.

It’s a nice bond, coming from being a small family unit where it was always just the three of us.

To commemorate Mother’s Day, I thought I would share a few pearls of wisdom that my Mum has taught me over the years (and some behaviours I have taken on board):

  • When an item is on sale, think not of what you will spend; but focus on what you will SAVE.
  • When the credit card statement arrives in the mail, hide it from your husband.
  • When you buy anything new, place it in your wardrobe straight away and when your husband comments on your outfit say, “Whaaat? This old thing? I’ve had it for AGES.”
  • There is no such thing as a wasted education. Everything you learn adds to your being. This attitude came in handy when I had to talk my folks through my plans to go back to uni at 29.
  • Girls rule! Feminism is ace! Yeah!
  • You can be a wonderful mother and work full time.
  • Blue and green should never be seen, unless there’s a colour between.
  • Always stick up for what you believe in. Speak out and be proud.
  • Just because you can’t cook toffees for the school fete, does not mean you are not a terrific Mum!
  • Chocolate cures all ills.
  • A mother’s love is never more apparent than when she is rubbing Vicks VapoRub on your tummy when you are little and struggling with a bad cold.

So, thanks Mum for showing me how it’s done. Love ya to bits!

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