Well, metaphorically anyway. The truth is that it was my thighs that were slapping – and not my face, but against each other!
The other day I had finally dragged myself off my couch and decided to do an exercise DVD.
While I was jumping up and down and jogging on the spot, I heard a weird slapping sound like two seal flippers banging against each other.
With horror I realised it was the back of my thighs slapping up against my enormous ass!
It’s bad enough that I can feel everything jiggling now when before I was fit and toned, but now my body is making NOISE!!!
For me, there always has to be a trigger to wake me up from my delusions that I haven’t really put on much weight. And this was it. Plus, yesterday I realised that I wasn’t comfortable in my jeans and caught myself pulling my top down over my muffin top.
I did not want to be this person again, and yet, here I am!
So today was my last day of doom and gloom eating and feeling worry for myself. Of thinking that I still looked OK in the mirror and that I was just a womanly pear shape. Because the pear has become more of an upside down melted ice cream that oozing out of my clothes.
You’d think that being on a more restricted FODMAPS diet, cutting out lots of carbs and processed foods would have the weight falling off me. But I struggle because the normal healthy things I was eating when I needed a snack, are out of question now, so I am reaching for things that I know won’t hurt my tummy (and sometimes things that I know will) such as chocolate and plain chips.
I know the main issue is lack of exercise, which I have been struggling with since getting so sick in winter. Blah, blah, blah excuses, excuses.
I figure I’ve got three and a half months until I turn 40 and I want to feel more like me when I hit the big 4-0. But even closer is summer and the prospect of wearing floaty fabrics, and going to the pool with my kids, exposing my cottage cheese thighs to the world – eeeekk!
Today was like my last meal day. I had pancakes for breakfast, leftover birthday cake from my husband’s 40th party yesterday, lots of leftover dips, cupcakes and even ice cream (a big FODMAPS no no).
Tomorrow is Day One. Fingers crossed!